I have a confession to make. It’s been a WHILE since I’ve gone out with any serious intention of taking pictures. Until last weekend, in fact, the last time I took nature photos – literally – was a four-day trip through southwestern Australia with Nate Dappen, appended to the end of a professional meeting I attended in Perth. In place of photography, I’ve been working on , video projects, and grants to support my dissertation research.

I finally got the chance to do some photography last weekend at Bolsa Chica Ecological Reserve in Orange County, CA. Birds are the most obvious subjects at Bolsa Chica, and I love taking pictures of birds. And to my genuine (but pleasant) surprise, I still felt comfortable with the controls of my camera. Even better, I was still pretty decent at stalking wild birds and getting close enough for photos.

But something was wrong. I just couldn’t focus – and I don’t mean camera focus, I mean mental focus. It had been so long, I just wanted to shoot EVERYTHING. When a bird wasn’t cooperating, I quickly gave up and looked for a different quarry. I didn’t have the will to stick it out in one spot while nothing good was happening, even though I know that’s how I’ve gotten nearly all of my best images over the years.

I was impatient… If I didn’t capture something great on this trip, I might not have time to shoot again for weeks!

What I ended up with was a smattering of shots, including, I’ll admit, a few that I’m happy with. But I didn’t feel great about the whole session. At the end of the afternoon’s shoot, I didn’t get that “job-well-done” feeling I sometimes get when I’ve really connected with a subject and captured great images. Instead, I felt flustered, and my mind was scattered. I had to think hard even to remember the first few subjects I’d shot after arriving.

Patience takes practice (and not having photographed for 3 months doesn’t help!), but it’s usually worth the investment. None of the images I captured last weekend feels particularly intimate, which is what I really strive for in my wildlife photos. If I had stuck it out in one spot – if I had been patient – I might have captured something special. But the self-imposed pressure to produce something of quality, the looming prospect of more desk work and less shooting in my future, made that impossible. I lost sight of the long goal – and why I love taking pictures – for the short one.

Next time, I think I’ll just go someplace where the light is nice and sit. I think wildlife photography is a little like Whac-a-Mole. Sure, you can chase every mole, and you’ll probably even hit a bunch, but you might not hit any of them squarely. Wait and watch one hole, though… and that mole is YOURS.

(No moles were harmed in the writing of this post.)